"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be." - Shel Silverstein

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Today is Going To Be a Better Day

Marissa and I had a really rough day yesterday. Not because we were sick, but because she was in full-blown-toddler-temper-tantrum-terrible-twos mode. And apparently, so was I. I won't be preparing my Mother of the Year Award acceptance speech any time soon.

I am not proud of how I acted yesterday. I lost my temper with Marissa, too many times. I sulked and pouted about it all when Jeremy got home. I was not being a good wife or mother. I am not sure why I acted that way, but I know that I don't want to go there again. Unfortunately, I have to admit it wasn't the first time, and I'm sure it won't be the last.

But today, I can try to do better.

Today, I am making a promise to myself to be a better wife and mother.  Today.  This whole mommy thing is a learning process for me. Sometimes, I feel I end up failing more than I succeed. But I am trying. And I have to learn to take one day at a time.

It is coming up on two years ago that we thought Marissa might not survive. One year ago, we weren't sure how "on track" her development was or would be in the future. Today, I need to take a step back and realize that while her attitude and behavior really piss me off at times, we are lucky she is here and developing as well as she is. I should rejoice in the fact that she is developing well enough to be able to piss me off, if that makes sense.

Today I am going to do better. This little girl is too precious to not do my best. ***************************************************************
As far as health, Marissa and I are doing a whole lot better. Her secretions are clear, she does not have a wheeze anymore and she did really well without any supplemental oxygen last night. She is even able to wear her PMV (speaking valve) again. I just have a bit of a stuffy nose, but I am pretty much over this thing. Thank you for all your prayers and well wishes.

Now, on to many pics and vids. It makes for a really long post, but I just couldn't resist.

Gettin' fed and nebbed and lovin' it!

Lovin' Auntie Chelle


Notice the creepy tentacle ball from this post? She now enjoys playing with it!

Practicing for next year's Christmas pageant

Pants wearing too thin or really bright flash? I think a little of both!

One of my favorite things (and the only thing that picked my spirits up yesterday) is to watch Jeremy and Marissa play together. It brings a smile to my face every time.

By the way, she does speak a lot more than what you see on the videos, as well as general jibber-jabber.  She just won't do it when she sees me pull the camera out.  


The VW's said...

Tantrums out of that sweet face?! I don't believe you! :)

Actually I do, because my boys were always full of them at that age and I didn't always handle them so well either! I always told them that it was a good thing they were cute, otherwise they would have been shipped out because of their behavior!

It does get better, trust me, but unfortunately those couple of years do seem to last an awful long time! Hang in there! She is worth it!

I was inspired by my sons nurse, so I became a nurse. I'm momma to 4 boys one with RTS, one with T1D. I get my therapy and strength through crossfit and take each day as it comes. said...

What a good mom you are!
I love all the videos, she is so sweet!

Michelle said...

I'm feeling you friend, I have five kids and my oldest is 12 now. I feel like I have days like this EVERY other day. You are NOT MOTY (there are few that can rival me) It is just hard and you get through it. Good gracious, look what you've been through these last couple weeks. It happens. Don't beat yourself up! These precious children push us to the brink at times and unfortunately ALOT of the time. You are doing a great job!! HUGS to you!!

(PS- I hope you get my joke about the MOTY)

Anonymous said...

I will probably never be mother of the year myself. I lose my patience to often. Actually, lack of patience is one of my faults.. I have a real issue about getting woken up at night by Anabella or anybody really. I get mean and its hard to think clearly. I am not a good Mommy at night. Some nights are better than others but I lose patience a lot. Of course I wasnt always like this. It was a lot easier when she was a little baby and I could easily figure out why she was awake. She was either hungry or wet only two possibilities made it a peice of cake. Than she just slept through the night no problem after about 6 weeks. So suddenly a few months ago she just wakes up whenever. She's ready to go, I am dead tired, pregnant, and without a husband to take over for me before I lose it. I've had nights where I would yell and than we would both just cry. Its terrible. So whenever we have a night like that I just try to make up for it best I can during the day. Also, when I finally get back to WA with Roland he is going to have to be on night time duty for a while...I need a break from that mess. Anyway, no Mom is perfect, we all feel overwelmed and angry at our children as much as we love them. I often beat myslef up over it but I know that it will get better.

Nana and PaPa said...

Sweetie, I commend YOU and all that you have dealt with over the last 2 years. We as Moms ALL have our breaking points and our bad days...and of course, afterwards, we ALL beat ourselves up for being "bad" Moms. I had moments with all of you kids when I look back, even now, and feel terrible about the way I acted. But, I THINK each one of you came out pretty good in spite of the "bad" times. Do you agree?? I mean...yea....each one of you are a bit weird in your own way...lol....but look at ME! What do you expect?! lol. Just do what you can to love on Marissa when it's all over, and she and you will begin to understand that being "bad" isn't forever, and that it's the behavior you loose it with, not the child themselves. Remember the challenges we ALL had with Brian!? He turned out to be pretty cool....so there IS hope for a better day. It WILL get better! Love to all,
Nana & PaPa

Finding Normal said...

I'm sorry yesterday was so crappy, and I hope today is better. I've got a 4 year old crying in my face right now, yelling about being hungry and wanting to play Wii and all sorts of other things. Some days you just can't be MOTY. And you're right--she's just being a "normal" 2 year old. And 2 year olds are pretty frustrating and annoying. But I have to say...4 ain't much better!

Momof5 said...

Do you mean to tell me...wait, I can hardly say it....(pause for me clearing my throat and tearing up)...you mean to say that you're...oh my here it comes....OMgsh.....HUMAN?!>#$ And I had such high hopes for you! Man what am I to do now?
Alicia, give yourself a break, truly! Even Ruth Graham (that's Billy's wife) sat in the corner with her apron over her head and the kids knew that they better leave mom to her "prayer time". I love ya hon! God Bless!

Michelle said...

Couldn't have said it better than the comments here before mine!!! Here here!!!! Dido on every single one!

Thanks for the pictures and video!!!

Auntie Chelle

PS: You are a good mother really!

Kendra said...

I hate those "I feel like such a crappy Mom" days! You are the best mom for Marissa--at least God thought so!

Elizabeth said...

It takes a good mom to relize when she needs to take a break and try again tomorrow. That is a HUGE piece of it. You two are both learning what is supposed to happen when your kido is two.
I have all the faith in the world in you.
Lots o Love

Jacque said...

I've had many days like this as well. I think I've cried in time out more myself than my son has. It is a learning process for all of us. Good luck!