"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be." - Shel Silverstein

Monday, March 7, 2011

A Really Good Cry

Last night, I was overcome with emotion watching, of all things, the movie, Knocked Up. I know, I know, call me crazy. But toward the end, when she is giving birth and he is there beside her, and the baby is born and cries... well, I just fell apart. Jeremy had already gone to bed and I just sat there and bawled my eyes out.

I think I was releasing emotions I had not let go of for a long time. I hadn't really sat down and thought of the night she was born in a long while. Everything came bubbling to the surface when I saw that fictional baby being born. Don't ask me why, I don't know. But, even though Marissa's and my birth process was totally different, I just felt the release of emotion when the baby was born and everyone was happy and healthy. I don't know if it was the fact that I wished that was our story, or what.

My girl is going to turn four years old on Sunday. I'm not ready. I'm not ready for that day to be here. I'm not ready for her to be that old. I'm not ready to contemplate how long ago she was helpless, hurting, and fighting for her life. She has been through so much, with so much more to come. I feel like she's lived a lifetime and yet it also seems like yesterday she that was born. She has had almost every part of her body operated on or manipulated in some way, yet she is as normal as can be. She knows no different. She amazes me.

Anyway, enough of my rambling. I hadn't made a montage in a while so I thought I would get one together in honor of her upcoming birthday. The first photos are some of my favorite pictures from when she was a baby, most of which you have seen before. The rest of the pictures are ones from a year ago through the end of June, 2010. I will be sharing another montage containing pics from July, 2010 to present next weekend.

So here goes...


Nana and PaPa said...

OK....I admit it.....ya made me CRY!! Marissa has been the sweetest icing on the cake. She is so full of life, and love, and antics, and spice, and vinegar!! What would we all do without having her touch our lives? It just wouldn't be the same. She has come so far and I thank God everyday that He brought her into all our lives. We love you sweet girl!

Nana & PaPa

Michelle said...

All I can say is I understand, Alicia. I think we will face many days like that, but hope they will be fewer and fewer as the days go ahead.

Sherry C said...

Alicia.. i love when you wrote this "she is as normal as can be. She knows no different. She amazes me." love, love, love it and the video too she is too sweet. Way to grow and shine girl. Inspiring. I'm raising the bar for my girl too... she is amazing me everyday, Can't wait to see you next video ... oh and perhaps it's time to try for that normal birth it may just heal things for mommy. I know having Tyalor did for me and he's amazing for Ashley.

Lacey said...

I can't believe she's going to be 4! Oh and I just saw that shirt that says, got a trach! Oh I have to get that for Jax, where did you get it?

Colleen said...

Oh I can so relate. Last week at an appointment I almost came unglued seeing a bunch of glowing pregnant ladies there, soon to be giving birth to a healthy baby. It's funny how emotions come in huge waves. Hugs!

ferfischer said...

Beautiful! And happy birthday on Sunday to Rissa! It's so hard to see them getting older, and sometimes those milestones really bring out old feelings for all of us... HUGS!

John and Jenna Gensic said...

Great video! Marissa has come so far. These montages really show her progress. I'll always think fondly of her this time of year since she shares a birthday so close to Mikan's. Thanks for sharing your journey with us.


The round-the-worlders said...

Sometimes I hate this blog. I wrote this beautiful comment and it got lost in hyperspace. Dang. Don't think I can do it again.

Point was that Rissa is a wonderful blessing to all of us. And of course she is an amazing child, it's in her genes. She has amazing parents.
The mantage was beautiful and showed how happy her childhood has been.
We are looking forward to the next installments. We love you all
Bubby and Zeyda