"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be." - Shel Silverstein

Monday, October 12, 2009

Stressin'



Tomorrow is Marissa's first ENT appointment since July. If you remember, July is when we found out (from an ENT who was not Marissa's regular doctor) that Marissa would need a reconstructive surgery on her airway before her trach could come out. Marissa's regular ENT comes back from maternity leave tomorrow and Marissa is one of her first patients of the day.

I am filled with anxiety about tomorrow. I am the kind of person that likes the status quo. I don't really like change all that much. I was this way before Marissa was born but am very much more so now. Many changes that come along nowadays are not for the better. I was devastated when we received the news that she will need major surgery to get rid of the trach. I stressed about it for about two weeks, trying to decide if we should get the ball rolling right then, even though Dr. P was not around. Once I resolved that the timeline mandated she wouldn't have the surgery until next Spring, I was able to let it go and just wait for Dr. P to return before we got more answers. For the last 2 1/2 months, I have been able to shove everything to the back of my mind. We were able to go on about our business, have a wonderful Summer and not worry about too much. Now it is time to worry again.

I come from a long line of worriers, on both my Dad's side and my Mom's side. I know it is a waste of time and only adds more stress, especially since not much that I worry about is in my hands and under my control anyway. But I can't help it. I worry, stress and fret. It's what I do.
I have a lot of questions for Dr. P tomorrow. First, exactly what surgery should be done? Can she do it here locally or should we go elsewhere? Will this surgery change Marissa's voice? Will it increase her risk of aspiration? Will we be able to remove the trach right after surgery or will we have to wait until she is healed?

For now, I just ask for your prayers. Please pray that I can let some of the worry and stress go. Pray that we get some good solid answers tomorrow. Pray that we are able to handle those answers and not be discouraged by what we hear. I will try to update tomorrow and let you all know the game plan.

Thanks friends.


9 comments:

John and Jenna Gensic said...

We're praying for you guys! I hope you get all of your questions answered and that Marissa needs the least invasive surgery possible. I know this must be scary, we're still not completely sure if Mikan will need that surgery or not. Good luck tomorrow, we'll be thinking of you guys! Marissa is too cute by the way, I hope you guys are staying warm!

Jenna

Nana and PaPa said...

Well.....you are so right in the fact that you come from worriers on both sides of the family! I truly wish I had not passed that bad trait on to you. As I have gotten older, I have been able to learn to let go of some of my "worries", trying to discern between what I have control over and taking action that will help relieve worry...or whether I have no control and try to let it go anyway. It's not an easy task. But I find that it helps to share my concerns and worries with someone who'll listen...or write them down like you've done here. No matter what, God is in control...not us, no matter how much we want to be in control! (not sure I will EVER completely get around THAT one! lol) Marissa is SO cute in her little pink hat! Know you'll be in our thoughts and prayers...and we pray for a positive outcome. No matter what the outcome God is in charge! Love you all....
Love,
Nana & PaPa

ANewKindOfPerfect said...

I hope that the ENT reassures you and answers all of your questions. Worrying comes so easy to us, doesn't it!

The bottom picture of Marissa is cracking me up. She has such character!

Michelle said...

Well, I can't tell you not to worry, cause then I'd be a big old HYPO-CRITE! Just know I'll be saying a prayer. Big days for both of us tomorrow! Love ya girl!

The VW's said...

I'll be praying for you! I HATE to worry and I know it's a waste of time, but I do it it too! Why do we do this to ourselves?! I was laughing when you talked about worrying being a genetic trait.....you should see my family! It's ridiculous! But, the fact is, we worry and we think about it and then we think about it some more! Maybe it's a good thing actually. (I just decided this, by the way.) By thinking about it, we wrap our minds around all the scenerios and in the end, maybe we deal with the outcome better this way?! Thinking is a good thing, right?!

Sorry, I'm obviously no help to you right now, because I don't even know what I'm talking about! Just know I'll be thinking about you and praying for you and I'll even add you to my worry list! :) HUGS and PRAYERS!

Hope said...

I can't wait to know what she says!! I'm praying, praying, praying....

Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but doesn't get you anywhere. ;)

Colleen said...

I'll be praying for you to have a peace about whatever the doctor decides for Marissa. God has a plan for her and he will carry you through it!

I love the pink hat. She is such a little character.

KH said...

Will be praying and waiting to hear tomorrow. Love, KH

Michelle said...

As always, my prayers are with you, Jeremy and most of all, Rissa.

Whatever the answers are, I know that you will overcome.
Just remember that moto: "Ever bending, never breaking.

I love that saying. You will endure and God knows what is best.

Love you and I will be thinking of you guys tomorrow.

Love you,
Auntie Chelle