My Love

I know that it is still a week and a day until Marissa turns two, but I just could not delay posting this video any longer.  I have had this particular montage in mind for several months now.  I wanted to do this in honor of Marissa's upcoming two year celebration.  I have been putting it off because  1.  I had plenty of time and  2.  I needed J to help me convert our 8mm videos to mpeg.  Of course, in the meantime, a couple of my blogger friends beat me to the punch! (Go check out Debbie's and Michelle's montages, they are awesome!)

There are a lot of moments in Marissa's 2 1/2 month NICU stay that we did not capture on film, for whatever reason.  Sometimes, we just didn't remember to bring the camera.  Sometimes, things were just too hard and scary to film.  For example, we only took pictures and video of her on the ventilator the first time.  She was intubated ten different times, two of those being emergency re-intubations after she self-extubated.  Each time she was intubated, another piece of my heart broke.  It was just one more setback, one more time to have to see her drugged up so she wouldn't "fight the tube", one step closer to the trach.  We didn't exactly feel like documenting the experience at the time.

Looking back through the videos, I wish we had more of that time captured on film.  I will always have the memories  burned into my brain, but I find it so cathartic and therapeutic to be able to watch videos and see where Marissa was compared then to where she is now.  

OK, enough said.  Grab a whole box of tissue and enjoy...

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

This is OK to Post, Right?

I mean, I can post pictures and videos of my nekkid baby as long as she is still a baby right? I mean, she's still a baby until she officially turns two, right?

RIGHT???!!!???

OK, I'm only a little anxious and sad about my baby being "one and some change" for only ten more days.

But... until then, here are some ultra cute, nekkid, wearin' only a diaper, totally appropriate to post on the internet 'cause she's still a baby... pictures and video.

Just had to do it.

Showin' some belly button love!

Now, I know we have all seen many Marissa dancing videos in the past and I apologize if it is overload for some of you. I could not resist this one though. Plus, given that we were not sure when Marissa would walk, let alone dance, and she finally did walk the day she turned 20 months old (in this video), I can't get enough of these kinds of videos. I am dancing for joy right along with her!!

Mahna Mahna

First of all, let me just thank all of you who left me messages of encouragement and support. As my friend Shannon said...

"Do you mean to tell me...wait, I can hardly say it....(pause for me clearing my throat and tearing up)...you mean to say that you're...oh my here it comes....OMgsh.....HUMAN?!>#$ And I had such high hopes for you! Man what am I to do now?"

I do understand I am only human and we all go through those really bad mommy moments. Thank you all for reminding me of that. :)

And yes, we did have a better day. We apologized to each other and then had an unspoken truce for the rest of the day. Then yesterday, she was up to most of her old antics, but I kept my cool. (for the most part ;)

Now on to the title of the post... enjoy!!

Today is Going To Be a Better Day

Marissa and I had a really rough day yesterday. Not because we were sick, but because she was in full-blown-toddler-temper-tantrum-terrible-twos mode. And apparently, so was I. I won't be preparing my Mother of the Year Award acceptance speech any time soon.

I am not proud of how I acted yesterday. I lost my temper with Marissa, too many times. I sulked and pouted about it all when Jeremy got home. I was not being a good wife or mother. I am not sure why I acted that way, but I know that I don't want to go there again. Unfortunately, I have to admit it wasn't the first time, and I'm sure it won't be the last.

But today, I can try to do better.

Today, I am making a promise to myself to be a better wife and mother.  Today.  This whole mommy thing is a learning process for me. Sometimes, I feel I end up failing more than I succeed. But I am trying. And I have to learn to take one day at a time.

It is coming up on two years ago that we thought Marissa might not survive. One year ago, we weren't sure how "on track" her development was or would be in the future. Today, I need to take a step back and realize that while her attitude and behavior really piss me off at times, we are lucky she is here and developing as well as she is. I should rejoice in the fact that she is developing well enough to be able to piss me off, if that makes sense.

Today I am going to do better. This little girl is too precious to not do my best. ***************************************************************
As far as health, Marissa and I are doing a whole lot better. Her secretions are clear, she does not have a wheeze anymore and she did really well without any supplemental oxygen last night. She is even able to wear her PMV (speaking valve) again. I just have a bit of a stuffy nose, but I am pretty much over this thing. Thank you for all your prayers and well wishes.

Now, on to many pics and vids. It makes for a really long post, but I just couldn't resist.

Gettin' fed and nebbed and lovin' it!

Lovin' Auntie Chelle

WHOA!!

Notice the creepy tentacle ball from this post? She now enjoys playing with it!

Practicing for next year's Christmas pageant

Pants wearing too thin or really bright flash? I think a little of both!

One of my favorite things (and the only thing that picked my spirits up yesterday) is to watch Jeremy and Marissa play together. It brings a smile to my face every time.

By the way, she does speak a lot more than what you see on the videos, as well as general jibber-jabber.  She just won't do it when she sees me pull the camera out.  

Kidney Update Plus Some

I had to post this picture because I just L-O-V-E the way her little legs look in jeans. Just so short and stubby! Couldn't ya just eat 'em up??

OK, please don't. That would hurt my baby girl!! Ha Ha!

OK, I obviously am in a very weird mood. Excuse me for a moment.

*Ahem*

OK, I'm composed now. Thanks.

We went to her kidney surgery follow-up today. Not much to report. The doc said her incision looks really good.  The right kidney also looks really good. The left kidney (the one that has always been the "problem kidney") is pretty swollen. The doc said this is not uncommon but she will have to stay on the prophylactic antibiotics for now. That stinks. She'll have another ultrasound in three months to see if the swelling has gone down. Not sure what we'll do at that point if the swelling is still there, but that's another subject for another time.

As for her pneumonia, she is getting better. Slowly. So slowly, in fact, that we (me and the doc) are pretty sure it is viral and not bacterial. If it were bacterial, she would be showing significant improvement after being on antibiotics for 6 days. He energy level is back to normal though. Good for her, not so much for her sniffling, sneezing, aching, runny/stuffy nose, fever, chills havin' mama!! So while there is nothing that we can do to make her better faster, we are doing what we can to control her symptoms and it seems to be working. She is sleeping pretty well at night (everyone knock on wood please!!), so we will let her sleep in our bed tonight and then try to move her back to her room tomorrow night.

I am finally feeling better today after a horrific day yesterday. I have more energy, though it is not back to normal. This cold has knocked me completely on my butt!! Jeremy only had a stuffy nose for a week. Jerk!!  ;0  Marissa is on the other end of the spectrum with pneumonia. Poor girl.  I guess there has to be a middle, right? Being in the middle sucks!

My house is a complete wreck, and I'm not just saying that! Everything is everywhere!!! Clutter clutter clutter!! Needless to say we will be cleaning and straightening the house this weekend. I can't take much more of this!!  

I think we have a star in the making, a major performer on our hands. Take a look at this video. Be sure to pay close attention at the end. This is where she does her best work! :)




I just love the song she is dancing and lip syncing to. It is called "Only the World" by Mandisa. I had the privilege of seeing Mandisa perform at the Women Of Faith Conference last year and I fell in love. This song in particular is a really good lesson to me when I feel overwhelmed by this life and all the things that go wrong. I want to share the lyrics with you and I hope that it blesses you as much as it has blessed me:

Been a hard one
Been a bad one
Been a tough one
Been a sad one
It's been one of those days that keeps chipping away at my heart
Nothin' new here
It's what I do here
It's a stereotypical day in the life
I'm surrounded by all of the pain and the strife
But I know it's alright

Chorus:

'Cause it's only the world I'm living in
It's only the day I've been given
There ain't no way I'm giving in 'Cause it's only the world
I know the best is still yet to come
'Cause even when my days in the world are done
There's gonna be so much more than only the world for me

Anybody, can you hear me?
Do you feel me?
I mean do you feel me?
I know I'm not the only one wearing the weight of this world
We got problems, said it's alright
Just remember, yeah it's alright
Take a good look around
We're just stuck on the ground for a little while
Don't it make you smile

Chorus:

Heaven is a place
Where the tears on every face will be wiped away
Oh and I can't wait to go
But for now, it's enough to know
This is only temporary

Chorus

Eggscude Be, I Hab Do Bdow By Doze

AAAACHOOOO!  Pardon me.

Yup folks, I caught the dreaded junk.  Knee deep in snot.  Not sleeping.  Yuck.  Thanks to my husband.  And my kid.  I love them so much!   ;)

I haven't been sick since I started trying to get pregnant back in Sept. of '05.  Not even a sniffle. Prenatal vitamins are awesome!  I thought for sure I was going to get sick after I stopped taking them but then I started taking mega doses of vitamin C.  Vitamin C is awesome!  I guess this junk was just a bit awesomer.

So far it is staying all in my head.  That's where it was for Jeremy and let's all hope and pray it stays there for me.  I could not deal with a kid recovering from pneumonia while I am trying to recover from pneumonia.  No way.

By the way, I will not be giving an interpretation of the title of this post.  I guess I am feeling a little ornery. If anyone has trouble figuring it out, please leave a comment saying so.  Then, any other readers who know what it means can leave a comment interpreting it for that person.  C'mon people, its pretty easy!

I guess I should go back to bed now and try to get some sleep before Miss Riss wakes up and tells me its time to start the day.

Pneumonia Update

Does this look like the face of a girl who is struck down with pneumonia??

In true Rissa Roo fashion, she is actually feeling pretty OK, despite being really sick.  She has her moments where she is just feeling downright junky but, for the most part, she is acting like her normal self.  We think she pulled muscle in the back of her right thigh from coughing so hard. Every now and then, after a hard cough, she'll grab her right thigh and wince in pain and cry. Poor girl.  

We have changed our sleeping arrangements temporarily due to her being sick.  She needs suctioning quite often and she also wakes up coughing a lot.  It did not make sense to run across the hall every time she needed something, so we moved her to our bed.  One of us sleeps beside her for the first half of the night while the other sleeps in the guest room.  That way Jeremy and I each get at least 4-5 hours of good uninterrupted sleep each night.  It actually works really well.

We are taking Marissa for a kidney ultrasound today to see if everything is functioning properly.  We won't know the results until we consult with her urologist on Thursday.  I will let you all know the results as soon as I get them, but please start praying now that the surgery did its job and "all things kidney" are up and running.  Thanks!

Oh, and I was able to get together with my trach mom friends yesterday.  We had a blast eating and talking at Fatburger and then, after trying to hunt down a dollar showing of Twilight with no success, we settled on scrapbooking, which was our original plan anyway.  I didn't do much scrapbooking.  Actually I didn't do any at all.  I am a  newbie and sitting down with all the pictures, stickers, pages, background pages and so on, made me feel pretty overwhelmed.  Knowing we didn't have a ton  of time to do this, I opted to sit and watch my friends work their scrapbooking magic and we chatted and had a ball.  Thank God for great friends!!

Thanks for all your prayers and well wishes.  Keep 'em coming!

Happy Valentine's Day!!

I love you Daddy!!

Soul Sista!  Only Marissa could jam like this!