The Story Of Us Part III

Picking up where we left off... (If you missed the posts leading up to this one, click here for Part I and here for Part II ).

Jeremy and I moved to Colorado Springs in August of 1998. He got a job as a propane delivery driver and I started paralegal school in February of 1999. It was a six month program for anyone who already had a Bachelors Degree, so I graduated with my paralegal certificate in early July, 1999. I got hired by a law firm to do basic legal secretary stuff a few months later. I was just happy to get my foot in the door.

Sad to say, this position did not work out and I was back looking for another job. Jeremy was still selling and delivering propane, but being a physical job, it was really taking a toll on his already injured back. I got another position in another law firm being a legal secretary again. I enjoyed the work I was doing and, again, was happy to have my foot in the door. But I was really having a hard time working for attorneys that did not see me as a person, let alone a valuable employee. I quit that job after a few months and started looking again, thinking I must have just run into a couple of not-so-nice lawyers and there were greener pastures ahead.

After going on multiple interviews, I came to the conclusion that the business of law was not for me at that time, and I got a job as a bank teller (what I did in Pagosa Springs after Jeremy and I got married). I left the door open for the future, but I was tired of being unhappy, so I went back to doing what made me happy. Trying to make a long story not so long, I haven't used my degree in a long time and I'm not sure if I will again, much to my family's chagrin. :)

Jeremy worked in propane until Summer 2001. Because of his disability from the Army, he was granted up to four years of school through the VA's Vocational Rehabilitation Program. This program retrains veterans who might not have real world job skills (Jeremy was a tank driver in the Army... now there's a job that transfers to the real world! ;) He decided he wanted to go into electronics and computers. He went to school and received two Associates Degrees. He got a job with HP as a computer help desk technician in January of 2004. He then started working on Fort Carson doing the same thing in May of 2007 and has been there ever since. He is SO in his element, working on an Army post with soldiers, fixing their computers. Its like being in the Army but you don't have to obey their rules or get deployed. :)

When we first got married, because we were so young and broke, my mom wanted us to promise we would not try to have a baby until we had been married at least three years. Well, three years came and went. So did four, five, six, seven and eight! We were financially unstable, living in a tiny rat-hole apartment and just having fun being a young married couple.

Be sure to click to enlarge the pics so you can see how crazy we were before Marissa!

Partying atop the Stratosphere Tower, Las Vegas. Yeah, we both were pretty intoxicated!

We weren't ready to have a baby yet. Anyone who tells you that old saying "if you wait till you're completely ready to have a baby, you'll never have one" is lying. We were told that many times and we are living proof that it is untrue! In November of 2004 we purchased our first home. Jeremy and I were both finally in stable jobs and we started trying to get pregnant in the Fall of 2005.

I found out I was pregnant the Friday before Mother's Day, 2006. We told everyone we knew right away, of course, having waited so long and being so naive. I started bleeding two weeks later, just before Memorial Day. I lost that pregnancy, but in that short amount of time, Jeremy and I already felt like parents. It was so hard to deal with.  We still get very sad about losing that baby and I don't think we will ever get over it.

We waited four weeks for me to heal and our doctor said we could start trying again as soon as we were emotionally ready.  I got pregnant the first time we tried. I know, TMI right? ;)  We found out July 29, 2006. We told no one, not even family.  Three weeks later, however, I was forced to explain to my boss and co-workers why I was needing to go to the doctor a lot all of a sudden.  I started bleeding and it seemed like this baby was going to be taken from us too.

More to come...

(I love keeping you all in suspense! ;)

Come Here, Now Go Away!

Miss Marissa and Mr. Gingerbread Man have the classic love/hate relationship.

See for yourselves...

Now before you go thinking that we are horrible people who love to torture our kid, let me explain.  She stands at the fireplace, looking up at Mr. Gingerbread Man and asks for him constantly.  Then, when we bring him down, she repeatedly asks for him to sing his song.  The evidence is all in the video.  You hear her trying to say and see her signing "want" and "play".   She even tries to push the button herself.  Then she is back to laughing at the end.  :)

She did the same thing the other night when my sister Michelle babysat for the evening.  Auntie Chelle sang different songs and Marissa enjoyed them.  Then Auntie Chelle sang "Away in the Manger" and Marissa melted into a puddle of tears! 

 She is such a crazy baby!!

P.S.  Happy 21 Month Birthday today Baby Girl!

P.S.S.  Marissa loves to watch videos of herself more than anything in the world.  But when she watches this video, she cries!!

The Story Of Us Part II

It seems someone is a little impatient with how I have chosen to tell our story!  I won't name names, but I "HOPE"  you all understand that with nearly 20 years of history, I have to break it up into parts.  Geez, keep your pants on!  HaHaHa  ;)  Just razzing you girl!

Picking up where we left off... (If you missed the post leading up to this one, click here.)

After high school (1993), I went to the University of Northern Colorado in Greeley and Jeremy enlisted in the Army. He completed basic training at Fort Knox, KY and then was immediately stationed in Vilseck, Germany, where he would spend the next 2 1/2 years. He was not able to come home very much because he was always on alert to go to Bosnia, however, he did come home Christmas of 1993 and asked me to marry him. I said yes, but because we had no money, I had to wait to get my ring until the next Christmas. We agreed that it was important for me to finish school before we got married, so we had a long engagement. See Mom, it was possible for us to make a responsible decision being that young! :)

My Handsome Soldier

Jeremy finally got stationed at Fort Lewis, WA in April of 1996 and was a little closer to home. He would end up injuring his back and left the Army in the Spring of 1997. He came to live with me and my roommates.  (I'll save the House Boy and Jeremy's Harem stories for another time and place  ;) ... don't worry, its all innocent!)  I graduated that May with a BA in history with a legal studies minor. I wanted to go to paralegal school and then possibly law school. I knew I needed to continue my education but I had just gone through the death of my step-brother, a stressful last semester at school and was trying to plan a wedding. I was just not in the right place to keep going to school at that time. We of course were both broke, so Jeremy's mom made us an offer we couldn't refuse. Move in with her in Pagosa rent free, save up money and then move out and go back to school. So we moved in with her and had our own room with a bathroom, so it was almost like living on our own. ;) Honestly, moving in with his mom saved our skins and she was great to live with. She let us have our space and our time and was so gracious. Thanks again Janice!

We got married on July 12, 1997 in Pagosa Springs. We continued to live with Jeremy's mom until we saved enough money and moved to Colorado Springs in August of 1998.

Be sure to click on these pictures to read the words

This pic was taken about 8 months after we got married.

More to come...

Last Words Of The Day

I walked into Marissa's room a little while ago to relieve her dad after nearly an hour long attempt at getting her to go to sleep.  I sat down in the rocking chair beside her crib and, in a firm voice, I told her "Marissa, playtime is over.  It is time to go to sleep.  Now."  

You know what she said to me?

"Uh-oh Mama"

Do you think I got my point across?

The Story Of Us Part I

First of all, I would really like to thank all of you who left words of encouragement, support and love. I really appreciate you all helping me through my rough spots. It helps more than you'll ever know.

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Since I only recently started this blog and many of you readers might not "know" us, I thought I would give you some background into who this little family is and how we started on this journey together.


It started back in 1989. I was a freshman in high school, (yes I know I am dating myself!) and Jeremy had just moved over the summer from California to the little town I grew up in called Pagosa Springs. Pagosa Springs is a town in the southwest corner of Colorado, about 60 miles east of Durango.


Jeremy was a long-haired, ripped jeans and heavy metal t-shirt wearing kid. I was intrigued by him the moment I laid eyes on him. I would not say I was attracted to him, but he was definitely different than anyone else I had ever met (you know, in all my 14 years). He definitely was not my type. I was the preacher's kid from nowheresville, USA and he was the heavy metal dude from California. But I was intrigued.



(Sorry for the poor picture quality. I don't have a scanner so I had to take pictures of pictures)

Freshmen... so young!!

In January of 1990 he started hanging out around me and my friends. We had a couple of classes together and I always thought he was kind of weird. Nice, but weird. We lived close to each other and rode the same bus. He even worked at the rec center where my family often went swimming. He started hanging around more and more and he was becoming less and less weird to me.

On February 13, 1990, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes but I asked him why he didn't ask me out the next day (Valentines Day). He said he couldn't wait any longer. Too cute! For the next three years we had an on-again off-again relationship. We had dreams of being together forever but of course we were just kids. Finally at the end of our Junior year we started talking again after several months and decided to give it one last shot. We have been together ever since.

My yearbook senior picture 1993

This pic was taken right before we took our last final for senior year

I will spare you all and continue this long story in another post.

Tired of Walking This Path

For the most part, I have used this blog not only as a way to keep friends and family updated on Marissa but also as a therapy of sorts for me. A way to keep my spirits up in the midst of my family's not so fun circumstances. A way to keep focused on the positives rather than the many negatives in our lives. I tend to post funny and cute things about Marissa, even if it has not been a funny or cute day. I didn't make a conscious decision to blog this way, it just kind of happened. And I like it that way.

But today's post is not going to follow that pattern, so please bear with me.

This morning Marissa woke up around 6:30 and was perfectly content to play by herself in her crib. I lay in my bed across the hall watching and listening to her on the video monitor. I must have dozed off for a moment because somehow, I missed her throwing up. I came into her room around 6:45 and started undoing her from all of her equipment. I found that she had throw up in her hair, and oddly enough, only in her hair. Thank God it was only in her hair and not in her trach, but it also created a bigger problem for me. I'll get to that in a little bit.

For Marissa and other tracheostomy patients, throw up presents a unique problem. For those of you who are not familiar with trachs, I will give you a short tutorial. A person's nose and mouth are not only the way we breathe, but they also act as a filter for germs. Since Marissa breathes through her neck and has no filter, she is more susceptible to germs and, therefore, gets sick easier, faster and more severely.

The trach is also a direct path to her lungs. The littlest bit of fluid dropped into her trach has the potential to go straight to her lungs almost immediately. For this reason, throw up is a very scary thing for her and us. If she is lying on her back or is reclined and throws up, it most usually goes right into her trach. We have to be very vigilant and if we notice she has gotten vomit into her trach, we have to immediately deep suction her trach to clean her out. Then, for about the next 24 to 48 hours, we live in fear of pneumonia developing. Not fun. She has had two aspiration pneumonias in the last year and one of them, I'm pretty sure, was from aspirating vomit that got into her trach.

This morning, however, aspiration was not a concern to me since she had her trach mask on and I knew she did not get throw up in her trach. But another problem a throwing up trach kid presents is that of clean up. Her trach tube is held in place by soft fabric ties that go around her neck. If these get wet or dirty, we have to change them or else her skin could start breaking down underneath them. I know of other trach parents who are very versed in changing their kid's trach ties by themselves. Not me. I just can't do it by myself. It also takes two of us to bathe Marissa. One of us to prevent water from going into her trach while the other washes and rinses her off.

Usually, if she throws up on herself, I can just sponge bathe her by myself. However, because she had throw up only in her hair, and her hair was covered in the stuff, I had to come up with a way to wash her hair by myself. I had to keep her trach ties dry while soaking, washing and rinsing her head and, oh yeah, not getting water in her trach. I had to call Jeremy at work because my morning brain could not think clearly enough as to how I was going to accomplish this. He helped me come up with a way to do it and I got to work.

The look on her face says it all for both of us!

The trach mask and Heat and Moisture Exchanger,

or artificial nose, that I used to protect her trach

It ended up fine. I was able to keep her ties dry, able to keep water out of her trach, able to soak and wash her hair, and able to get almost all the soap out of her hair.

But my point is this. I am tired of not being able to do anything in a typical manner. A typical mom with a typical kid would have stripped her down, plunked her in a bathtub, and been done with the whole deal in five to ten minutes. Not me. I have to plot my actions very carefully, as though I am going into battle. I have to have all equipment and supplies she might need within arms reach. I have to make sure all my bases are covered or my child could get very sick. Or even worse, she could die.

I am so tired of this. I am tired of having to worry about her throwing up and it going directly into her lungs, or getting all over her and me not being capable of cleaning her up by myself. I am tired of not being able to just put my kid in a bathtub when I need to. I am tired of not being able to just put her in her crib and leave the room because she will tangle herself up in her tubes and wires and disconnect her feeding tube, etc. I am tired of not being able to pack a simple diaper bag and head out the door with my toddler to run a quick errand. Instead, I have to pack life saving equipment and supplies just to run a quick errand. I am tired of having to think and re- think and re-re-think just to do something a typical parent would do easily and naturally. I am tired of walking this path. I am tired.

And yet, as I type this, I can think off the top of my head of five different things Marissa did to crack me up today, and its only 12:30. I know I am blessed.

Thanks for listening (or reading, I should say).

All's well that ends well, I guess.

Major Accomplishment

I will probably anger the universe by posting this and thus, bring some major bad doo doo to our house, but I am also knocking on every piece of wood I can find. (I am definitely NOT superstitious in the least little bit, by the way ;)

Marissa did something in November that she has never done before in her whole life. Well, actually it is something that she did not do. She went an entire calendar month without seeing a doctor! She did not see one doctor in the month of November, not ONE! In fact, she hasn't seen a doctor since October 16. A whole month and a half without seeing a doctor. WOW!! With seven specialists plus her pediatrician, that is saying a whole lot. So, how about a big collective YAY for no doctors! Let's see if she can hold out until her next scheduled appointment on December 23rd.
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And now, for our third installment of the Awesome Hair Series:

Awesome Hair Part III !!!

Grandma in Utah, just so you know, your son had nothing to do with this one. I acted alone. :)

Marissa having a blast walking, signing and dancing

I do realize that this song is not exactly appropriate for an almost 21 month old to be listening or dancing to. I personally really dislike this song but Marissa loved the beat and for the sake of shooting a cute video, we played it. :)