Stressin'

Tomorrow is Marissa's first ENT appointment since July. If you remember, July is when we found out (from an ENT who was not Marissa's regular doctor) that Marissa would need a reconstructive surgery on her airway before her trach could come out. Marissa's regular ENT comes back from maternity leave tomorrow and Marissa is one of her first patients of the day.

I am filled with anxiety about tomorrow. I am the kind of person that likes the status quo. I don't really like change all that much. I was this way before Marissa was born but am very much more so now. Many changes that come along nowadays are not for the better. I was devastated when we received the news that she will need major surgery to get rid of the trach. I stressed about it for about two weeks, trying to decide if we should get the ball rolling right then, even though Dr. P was not around. Once I resolved that the timeline mandated she wouldn't have the surgery until next Spring, I was able to let it go and just wait for Dr. P to return before we got more answers. For the last 2 1/2 months, I have been able to shove everything to the back of my mind. We were able to go on about our business, have a wonderful Summer and not worry about too much. Now it is time to worry again.

I come from a long line of worriers, on both my Dad's side and my Mom's side. I know it is a waste of time and only adds more stress, especially since not much that I worry about is in my hands and under my control anyway. But I can't help it. I worry, stress and fret. It's what I do.

I have a lot of questions for Dr. P tomorrow. First, exactly what surgery should be done? Can she do it here locally or should we go elsewhere? Will this surgery change Marissa's voice? Will it increase her risk of aspiration? Will we be able to remove the trach right after surgery or will we have to wait until she is healed?

For now, I just ask for your prayers. Please pray that I can let some of the worry and stress go. Pray that we get some good solid answers tomorrow. Pray that we are able to handle those answers and not be discouraged by what we hear. I will try to update tomorrow and let you all know the game plan.

Thanks friends.